Below are the 11 most recent journal entries recorded in tatertat009's LiveJournal:

Tuesday, July 5th, 2005
3:13 pm	sometimes i feel just dreadful about my appearance. (Comment on this)
Friday, July 1st, 2005
9:11 pm	drama makes me sick. altho perchance, i understand the unavoidability of it a little better after these past two weeks? I love my friends. maybe a little too much. in ways i shouldnt? well you be the judge. so i have my group of friends otherwise known as the missing members of g-unit and their groupies so to speak. so let's see. my closest guy friend is r___. annnddd well. he likes me. dont know why. but he does. i dont like him like that but we've discussed it and its chill. so there's k___. who i used to like. til he called me fat. buuuttt we don't talk about that. then there's mi____, who dated my girl m____ for hella long. mi____ is pretty damn close with r___. he also has a friend named d____. who i really like. and hooked up with a couple weeks ago. and would again if the opportunity presented it self. so. it got complicated. as if it wasnt already. i hooked up with mi____. and i would again. that is. if the opportunity presented it self. annnnd we pretty much cant tell anyone. because r____ would kill him and m____ would kill me. and he cant tell his boy d____ because that would be awkward for him and i still want to have d____'s babies. in a nut shell. i hate the drama i've created for myself. and i miss rosie. yeah thats right i said it. as if i havent said it enough already. asdfghjkl;lkjhgfds inca OUT. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, June 18th, 2005
7:46 pm	god grant me some god damn guts please thank you. (Comment on this)
6:02 pm	well i guess god was listening because vomit my little heart out i did. i have the stomach flu. holllaaa BACK! Current Mood: as FUCK (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, June 16th, 2005
10:28 pm	I'm going fucking crazy. why the fuck am i such an asshole. why do i continue with destructive cycles that get me nowhere and accomplish nothing. why is my life a broken record sometimes. BAH. i would really like to vomit right now. i would like to vomit my little heart out. Current Mood: depressed (Comment on this)
Sunday, June 12th, 2005
1:40 pm	I think too much. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, June 9th, 2005
10:55 pm	i'm so bored i could die. i quit life. at least until i once again begin to pursue a meaningful existence. Current Mood: bored (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, June 6th, 2005
12:09 pm	Hooking up really isn't my thing. The sexual experiences that go on between two people should be, in my opinion, fueled by love and a passion that stems from that adoration for one another. Being turned on by someone who's attraction weakens my knees by the mere thought of them-well that's just awesome. But without that deeper connection, it feels dirty. So dirty. I feel used and unimportant. Gross even. So what is it that makes me so god damn hypocritical. I don't necessarily want to hook up, with that expected postliminary distgust that never fails to show its ugly face. And yet, I do it. I give in and I can't help myself. Ultimately I get called a tease because I'm selfish and virginal. No matter, atleast I'm not a hoe. I just wish I could do that stuff without all the extra guilt. Like, say, for instance, if I were in a relationship?? Too bad I'm so FUCKING picky without ANY REASON TO BE. I quit life. Current Mood: and guilty (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, June 4th, 2005
10:40 pm	we'll see when we get there behind the tv there sits a girl. under the crimson shawl there's a sob soaked face, blighted pride and bleeding mascara. but you will never know because i will never let you. my capacity to care exceeds yours. your jokes and witty spouts entertain no one and all you can do is laugh. no i will not suck you off in the back of this cab. the tip of your dress shoe meets my belly and pain spews from my eye sockets and into the ears of the night. but not yours. not your ears. your ears don't hear and i won't let them. you are deaf to my heaving chest, my lack of breath and my pitpat down the cold cement stairs into a hole that you've dug for me. and you can't see it because i will never ever let you. the intensity of my vulnerability is enough to knock you off your feet. the devil cannot heal open wounds. its gaze alone sears the deep gash in my heart and pokes it with a singed staff. fucking fat failure freak with flying flab and fake faces forced inside 4star hotels. look at what you've done. if you can see it. if i will let you. and when you're fucking her i hope you think of me. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, June 2nd, 2005
9:01 pm	I'm floating in the air, resting on a small cloud and peering down at the chaos below me. I see a dark haired girl who possesses the hair cut of a pre-adolescent, with bangs slightly too long, attempting to mask deep brown eyes. This young lady appears to have the aged spirit of a woman's wisdom, hereditary strength, and a slight lack of balance that gives personality to her focused footsteps. She seems comfortable in her location, and attentive to the traffic around her. Yet at times she drifts from this tangible world floats up to another place of self-doubt, heinous and unyielding. These monsters suck her in as she attempts to find a way around them, until she finds herself back in the world of lovers, life, and the pursuit of her own unidentified form of happiness. Confident as she appears, her footsteps are closely followed by shadows from her past that cling to her present. But nonetheless she is happy, she is present, she is me. I watch myself crossing roads, but failing to realize how I got to the otherside. I see myself becoming things I don't conceive as possible. I feel empty and blank when I think about my future, as if it does not exist and never will. I watch myself go about my duties and wonder what my body is feeling and doing, because all I seem to accomplish is thought. And these thoughts are not real, nor do they satisfy my mind. I am disconnected from a life that I so desperately wish to be a part of. But I sit on my cloud until the thoughts in my mind stop making sense. The humming makes me drowsy and I fall asleep, anxious and afraid. Of what I do not know. Current Mood: too many to mention (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 1st, 2005
12:50 pm	i'm on my lunch break for work. god i love working so close to home. well, last night was interesting. dinner with an old friend, but it was like i had seen ehr only yesterday. we reconnected in a matter of seconds and i felt as thought our parting was merely a parting of bodies not of spirits. I can't wait to rebuild what was once the most important relationship in my life. tonight is crazy times with my one and only twin. tomorrow is shopping and working. friday is mroe worky and then some drunkity drunk drunk with the best people ever. summer is beginning to really take off. *knocks on wood* now if i could only figure out what to do with the rest of my life... for another time. ps this is dedicated to a certain lindsey wallace. (1 Comment |Comment on this)